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| hi gem✨ lately i’ve been thinking about acceptance. as human beings we’ll always be far from perfect and so my question is how do you live with the pain you’ve caused, how do you accept your mistakes and grow from them. and how do we also let go? i hope this finds you well | - umubyeyi, australia

dear umubyeyi,

i took some time to reflect on your question as it required me to dig a little deeper.

let me start by saying that you can take responsibility for your unkind ways while still accepting and loving yourself. these are not mutually exclusive things.

i think that the messaging from religion combined with capitalism tells us that we are not good enough as we are and that we must spend this lifetime trying to acquire the qualities and possessions that will make us worthy. the internalization of this idea has made it that much harder for us to have grace for ourselves and others.

we can start by unlearning the idea that we have to be a certain image of something or someone before we can fully accept ourselves— to know inherently that even at our lowest, we are still worthy. when we learn to separate our consciousness (our true selves) from our ego we are able to see that we are not our past or our mistakes which alleviates the feelings of shame, regret and pain. i find that identifying with the happenings of my life is what keeps me from going beyond unhealthy patterns and cycles. the journey to self forgiveness has been an empowering route to growth in that it highlights the fact that we perceive people’s perceptions of us based on how we feel about ourselves. this realization has brought so much clarity to the importance of having a healthy relationship with myself first and how that is the source that informs the quality of all of my other relationships. in this way, forgiving ourselves becomes more powerful than forgiveness from another.

when it comes to letting go, i’m encouraged by the sobering truth that the past only exists in our minds. what happened yesterday is gone. all we have are the passing moments which happen in the now. it’s liberating to know that we have the power to shift our attention from what we don’t want to feel to emotions that align with the experiences we want to create. we are powerful creatures in that way, umubyeyi.

i hope this  message sparks something for you. you have everything you need to step into the authentic power that will propel you to the next phase of your evolution.

with love,


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